woah ladies

no amount of oranges and cream air freshener can make up for the fact that the public bathrooms here at the hospital are HORRIFIC. it smells like a rhinoceros pen. ladies please, please, please practice good hygiene so I don't have to gag every time i need to pee. not fair to me. (i rhymed)

Completely unacceptable

Inmate in clinic today has a hypoglycemic event while being checked in- his glucose was 37. Clearly this man is a diabetic. What kills me about this is that he probably got woken up at 5am to drive all the way here from Waupun, to then sit in a holding cell in the hospital until his clinic appointment came up.

Theres no excuse for this. Does anyone feed this man breakfast, check his blood sugars, or even care about his health? Yes, he's in prison. But hes not an animal. And even better? The nurse refused to deal with his "event" and got really snooty about it.

This hurt my feelings almost as badly as the homeless man who wanted one extra free sample of kielbasa at copps the other day. the old bag refused, saying it was "store policy". Bitch please. Where is your heart?

Am I completely off? Or should I quit being so naive and realize that these people are in these positions for the poor choices they made in their past?

overheard

chick on her cell phone talking SUPER loud while walking through the cafeteria...

"IVE GOT HIS HEAD SHOVED REAL DEEP DOWN IN MY P...........URSE."

that caught my attention right away. i need to get my mind out of the gutter. immediately.

WOW THATS A LOT OF CHEESE BALLS

a co-worker was awesome and gave me a super-size bucket of cheese balls, since ive been harassing her to construct me a cheese ball warmer. because everything (except beer) tastes better warm. she heated them up in a crockpot and gave them to me as a bday gift. BEST GIFT EVER! anyway, so the jumbo cheese ball bin is still sitting at my desk. Why does everyone who walks by need to comment on them?

"You must really love cheese balls."

"WOW THATS THE BIGGEST BUCKET OF CHEESEBALLS."

"Whats with the cheese balls?"

"Ooooh CHEESY POOFS!"

fuck off everyone. i love cheese balls. do you need to comment? no.

HEY

listen up bitch. don't scream questions at me from the across the room, without even addressing me by name, and expect me to answer you...or even acknowledge that you are screeching at me.

"DO ANA TITERS GO TO THE CORE LAB OR TISSUE TYPING LAB?"

crickets....

"JESUS CHRIST. HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY GO?"

not responding to you....

"MARISA!"

yes Satan?


Is it too hard to say, "hey, I have a work related question. can you help me out?" I can then be a piggy will and help you out with whatever you need. but when you shout ten feet across the office and expect me to fall at your knees, I'm going to be a tried and true piggy won't.

can someone please tell me why

Asians with big backpacks are ALWAYS chasing the madison metro buses throughout campus? Are they, as a race, notoriously late? can they not tell time? do they like to run?

I See this every damn day of my life. if i had a nickel everytime an asian was running to a bus id be a millionaire. its almost like godzeeeeera is coming and they're all running towards something. usually the 80. eagle heights bitch...

you know you are loved

when someone watches a 30 minute youtube tutorial to make you the best homemade red velvet (or milk velvet as misa calls it) that i've ever had. I LOVE YOU MOM!

For once its not "Ces' sister" its maaaarisa brother.

bday photos

#1 Stunna

He fit a whole piece of red velvet cake in his mouth in one bite

SPANKY!

Massive.

it wouldnt be a birthday without Buck!

You know texts send better if you stick your phone to the window.

What does she smell?

1) chipmunks

2) the lesbians weedwhacking next door.

3)the lesbians having a volleyball tournament next door

4) coffee

Hes a realist

Just got home from filling out my financial disclosure form with my lawyer (who is amazing although im sure I've said that a million times.) As he's punching numbers and asking me every bill I have per month, he then blurts out "ok so you spend more money on alcohol a month than food. And your monthly budget is more than your net income per month?" Yes, yes that's absolutely correct. Shit.

Ok, this is going way too far

Cash cow in training Kris Humphries and his new bootylicious wife Kim Kardashian had a "welcome to NY" party this week. The party had approximately 850 guests in attendance, and had a private concert by Justin Timberlake as the entertainment.

ALRIGHT SERIOUSLY?!! when does it end? You had your magical fairytale wedding, had your magical fairytale honeymoon (all caught on camera by E!... surprise surprise.) your big @$$ and your husbands scary gorilla browline need to step away from the limelight before people stop buying your shape-ups, shoedazzle shoes, quicktrim pills, overpriced sears clothes, and other things that Im sure I forgot to list.

I want to see more Kortney, Scott, and baby Mason. Shes the most fashionable, responsible, and funny one of the group. #MOREKORTNEY

the real deal of at home waxing kits.

I have recently been waxing my face with home waxing kits- I find it ridiculous that salons charge me $24 for a lip and eyebrow wax. I have taken matters into my own hands. I've tested a couple different kits and found that Sally Hansen has the best options.

This is my favorite kit, hands down. There are no strips involved. you just heat up the wax in the microwave, apply it to your face, let it get hard, then rip the actual wax off of your face. It comes with some sort of analgesic topical cream to put on the spots you just waxed, which helps with the irritation a lot.

My pubic (i mean public) service announcement for the day is this: just because kortney and khloe wax each others vajays on national tv, doesn't mean you should too. Some parts of the body should be waxed by a pro, the VJ being one of them.

I tried this at home with the Sally Hansen body wax home kit. the result was neon purple gooey wax everywhere. Its not even wax, its some other formula. But it was way too sticky, impossible to rip off, and I ended up ruining multiple razors trying to shave out the wad of wax that got caught up downstairs. Long story short, do not use the sally body wax kit, stick to face only for at home waxing purposes.

Champagne showers start tonight

tweet,call,text,write,smoke signal me for bday plans this weekend. hurricane irene is nothin compared to me.

I'll take birthday gifts in the form of Sephora gift cards.

Something to ponder

at my mom's job interview on Tuesday, they asked her a question that definitely had me thinking.

"If your co-workers could change three things about you, what would it be?"

I know I should probably not speak my mind so much, and be more punctual. Maybe be more helpful?... whats the fun in being helpful? ugh.

I wish that life

Was a choose your adventure book. you could peep at the future, try out one adventure. If that adventure isnt quite what you're looking for, you could just go backwards in time and flip to a different page. I know you all read these when you were little, and chose one ending...only to read both endings. Who wouldnt?

your daily Wiz

i decided

the second and third cup of coffee during the day is just never as good as the first.

"its not our jurisdiction"

Another public service announcement for the day:

If you suddenly fall ill/pass out/die/have a heart attack in our hospital's parking ramp, you must call 911- we cannot help you. Even though we are a mere 30 feet from you.

We had a patients sister call this morning, frantic because her sister was projectile vomiting (think the Excorcist) and having a seizure on the top floor of our parking ramp. Medical Reponse refused to get a doctor up there because its out of our jurisdiction. So in turn, 911 had to be called... cops, ambulance, fire truck, the whole kitten caboodle.

It takes minutes for the EMT's to arrive. (i know because sara and I were first responding last week and beat the ambulance by a longshot) and in that time the patient couldve definitely been a goner.

Talk about pawning off the BS on the cops. soooo ridiculous. Everyone, please dont die in the ramp because "WE cant help you."

The traffic headache begins today

This just shows that it always comes down to money.
I pay $800 a year to park half a mile away from my job. Sounds ridiculous, but they have to get the money somewhere so they can afford our CEO's $650k a year paycheck.

ESPN paid our university bundles of money to have a Thursday night football game, the first in 11 years. This causes a major traffic headache for all involved. Since the game starts at 7pm, people will be rolling in around 4pm to start tailgating- in OUR parking lots that we use for work. So its been announced that we need to leave our parking ramp at 5pm today or we will be ticketed/towed.
F you UW madison! i pay way too much a year in the first place for you to kick me out of my parking stall, which is a 10 minute walk away from my place of work.
I decided to come in to work at 7, and will leave at 330 to hopefully avoid the traffic. the best part of this whole story? The silly freshman kids are still moving into their dorms, so their parents with their minnesota/michigan/great lakes license plates are causing horrible traffic jams and driving the wrong way down one way streets.

Avoid downtown madison if you can. im begging you. please.