you drive like an asshole. lucky for you your license plate cracks me up every time I see it. but seriously mclovin, slow down .
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
you know you're a jabroni when...
you have a lime green barbie jeep on hot wheels...flying around with your 40 something wife who dresses like a teenager. AND you fistpump (see picture 1) to the patrons at Country Corners? Nice work buddy.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
license to have babies?
A nurse at work (who will remain nameless *cough*IOWA) spouted off about how people should have a license to have children, and people cant willy nilly just pop them out.
iowa:"People should really have licenses before they can have children. I cant believe someone having a kid and then passing it to their brother to raise."
kris:"no one would pass the test then."
me:"I sure as hell wouldnt pass."
later she comes up to me and says she believes my roommate and I would pass the test.
" I didn't mean to offend you earlier. I think you and sara would pass the test. even though shes not married, but youre married so you would pass. People just need to raise kids with two parents, not broken homes."
I bit my tongue. I didn't tell her I have filed for divorce, so clearly I live in a 'broken' home. Why does your marital status matter when it comes to raising children? Is this the 50's? im surprised she didnt then ask me if I "speak mexican". Ignorance is way more common than I'd like to think it is.
iowa:"People should really have licenses before they can have children. I cant believe someone having a kid and then passing it to their brother to raise."
kris:"no one would pass the test then."
me:"I sure as hell wouldnt pass."
later she comes up to me and says she believes my roommate and I would pass the test.
" I didn't mean to offend you earlier. I think you and sara would pass the test. even though shes not married, but youre married so you would pass. People just need to raise kids with two parents, not broken homes."
I bit my tongue. I didn't tell her I have filed for divorce, so clearly I live in a 'broken' home. Why does your marital status matter when it comes to raising children? Is this the 50's? im surprised she didnt then ask me if I "speak mexican". Ignorance is way more common than I'd like to think it is.
Facebook sucks. I decided.
I don’t want to see glamour shots of your babies. I know what babies look like. Your misspellings are horrific, and they make my skin crawl. (Yes, I’m a grammar nazi. So what?) To those people who have hundreds of “friends”…get real. Half of those people probably don’t know who you are, and just want to creep on you.
I have such a strange relationship with facebook. I like to have a profile, then delete every couple months…lather,rinse,repeat. Right now I’m without FB, and my droid battery has a longer life. When I have it, I post way too many status updates, because I’m constantly finding things in my life to be funny and I want to share it with my friends. I’m probably the worst FB friend to have.
I do get my daily creeping done, but I do it in different ways. My neighbors are so entertaining. PC’s everywhere (perfect couples) walking their dogs, cutting grass, doing PC shit.
I’m glad I have a dysfunctional relationship with my roommate. We both love wine, premium cable, and attorneys. Life is great.
I don’t want to see glamour shots of your babies. I know what babies look like. Your misspellings are horrific, and they make my skin crawl. (Yes, I’m a grammar nazi. So what?) To those people who have hundreds of “friends”…get real. Half of those people probably don’t know who you are, and just want to creep on you.
I have such a strange relationship with facebook. I like to have a profile, then delete every couple months…lather,rinse,repeat. Right now I’m without FB, and my droid battery has a longer life. When I have it, I post way too many status updates, because I’m constantly finding things in my life to be funny and I want to share it with my friends. I’m probably the worst FB friend to have.
I do get my daily creeping done, but I do it in different ways. My neighbors are so entertaining. PC’s everywhere (perfect couples) walking their dogs, cutting grass, doing PC shit.
I’m glad I have a dysfunctional relationship with my roommate. We both love wine, premium cable, and attorneys. Life is great.
15 days
In 15 days: I will see which cocktail waitresses are pregnant with their fifth and sixth child. They will serve me down watered kamikaze's and I will tip them bigtime because I can imagine diapers are expensivo.Then I'll stumble over to Gold Diggers and dance my ass off. literally, there will be a hole where my ass once was. ew, that sounds bad.
Some people are so OCD
The storms rolled in last night... we had a tornado watch and a thunderstorm warning. After the monsoon-like downpour and hail, guess whos out powerwashing his siding and washing the hubcaps on his pimped out civic? Jorge. Last tornado we had we went on a jog, and then got soap and water out and started scrubbing his driveway. We love watching him during severe weather to see what he cleans next. Two nights ago he took every item out of his garage and then vacuumed. he vacuumed his GARAGE.
last night, 6-21-11
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I pulled up to my parent's house this Father's Day weekend to find this taped to the garage door.
I went inside and asked my dad about the sign on the garage, and knew there was a story behind it.
"the garage door took a crrrrrrap. " (you gotta roll your R's like he does)
Only my dad would make beautiful art over a broken garage door.
someone vomited flamingo on a desk in transplant
the giant hologram flammy hanging from the ceiling is a fire hazard. If I can't have a pinata hanging above my desk, bitch cant have her flammy. I'm calling Plant Engineering.
Monday, June 20, 2011
the moment we've been waiting for
The Game of Thrones season finale was last night- we finally got to see the dragon eggs hatch. The last scene of the episode ( dany naked with soot everywhere and baby dragons) was amazing, and ended with this badass baby dragon spreading his wings and screeching. Watch out for season two, I have a feeling the dragons are going to be kicking ass and taking names.
I still can't believe they killed Drogo off... I'm going to have to find some other Lord to pine for.
stop
im done giving sympathy to people who just like to whine about their problems over and over again. I've done my part, ive given advice and have been a shoulder to cry on. But dont act sad towards some people, and happy/perfectly fine towards others. I see through it and frankly I think you're in denial. Im almost offended to see your crocodile tears.That's hot.
I'm pretty embarrassed to admit this/but I find Paris Hilton to be so entertaining. I own all of the Simple Life DVD's- even though she claims she was acting, I think thats how dumb she is in real life.She lives in a complete fantasy world, with little doggies running around. She makes it rain with benjamins when she goes clubbing in Vegas. And her boyfriend Cy? He seems to be completely jacked up on coke or some other substance, and hes also peter pan's babysitter while paris is out getting bombed at "da club". I love Cy.
Anyway, her new show on Oxygen is fucking hilarious. Her one-liners about people are pretty great. And watching her "Live her real life" is ridiculous. Who else walks around with a sugar glider in their chanel purse?
Its my guilty pleasure of the summer. Wednesday nights @ 9pm.
Spasiba
to whoever in Russia is reading the blog. I find it amazing that the things I write about make it all the way across the world
and to the one person in Israel who's read the blog this week- I hope you're a hot doctor. you can be my flavor of the week
and to the one person in Israel who's read the blog this week- I hope you're a hot doctor. you can be my flavor of the week
Sunday, June 19, 2011
What happened to my top 8?
Today im sitting here in a cowboy shirt and my brand new blush pumps (i need to break them in) wondering about my top 8/myspace.
It seems like yesterday that I had 850 "friends" , and my top 8 was like religion to me. And when someone bumped me from their number 1 spot, to their number 2 spot, I was just crushed.
Honestly, none of that shit matters anymore. People don't want to look at pictures that you took of yourself, and they dont want to see your personalized page with screamo music on it and a sparkly avatar of a brat doll that looks like you. My real friends know where I am and how to find me. To you people who are myspacing and facebooking-- you think its cool to have 500 friends. Think of that as 500 stalkers. No one really cares what you're doing, they just want to see you have a bad day. or have drama in your life. they want to see you fall.
I'd rather live my life without people passing judgement on my status updates. I realize I write on this blog, and it could be more personal than my facebook. But this is the only place I can really get my thoughts out, without caring how many thumbs up I get next to my post.
Friday, June 17, 2011
why you should donate blood
4.5 million Americans will a need blood transfusion each year.
43,000 pints: amount of donated blood used each day in the U.S. and Canada.
Someone needs blood every two seconds.
Only 37 percent of the U.S. population is eligible to donate blood – less than 10 percent do annually.**
About 1 in 7 people entering a hospital need blood.
One pint of blood can save up to three lives.
Healthy adults who are at least 17 years old, and at least 110 pounds may donate about a pint of blood – the most common form of donation – every 56 days, or every two months. Females receive 53 percent of blood transfusions; males receive 47 percent.
94 percent of blood donors are registered voters.
Four main red blood cell types: A, B, AB and O. Each can be positive or negative for the Rh factor. AB is the universal recipient; O negative is the universal donor of red blood cells.
Im O + .. what blood type are you? Go donate, now!
run yo' mouth
Is honesty really the best policy? I find myself fighting this issue a lot. Many times I ask myself, “Am I being too harsh with people? Maybe I should just not speak my mind so much”. I think the answer is that America is full of so much bullshit and lies; so for me to at least speak the truth, and say things that should remain unsaid is just not my style.
While saying this, I appreciate honesty with face to face contact. I think it’s common for people to maybe say more than they are willing to say in person when writing an e-mail or a text. People who don’t have balls tend to hide behind e-mails/texts. To you people: Speak to me face to face. I find it cowardly when I get an e-mail that could start an altercation, when you wouldn’t say half those things to my face. What did the cavemen do back in the day when they were fighting over women? They didn’t send a BBM, they probably grunted to each other and got their clubs out and beat the shit out of each other.
Here is a perfect example, from my e-mail vault of what NOT to do. I can laugh about this e-mail now…but for a while it stung pretty badly. However, I must say I appreciate the honesty in this.
“Sorry I've been super busy at work, I am the only ********** right
now, everyone is on vacation.
Also, I had a great weekend with you and I think we connected nicely.
But that just got me thinking all day Sunday after you left. Stuff
like "Is this what its going to be like?" (a good weekend then
leaving) "Are we really going to be able to deal with such huge
differences?"(marriage, kids, dogs, liberal v conservative, cranking
down your chapstick when I leave mine up, all that important stuff)
and then there is the divorce thing and I just realized that how ever
much we get a long, there is so much wrong with it all and I don't
want to go down that path with someone that I know (or am relatively
sure) isn't going to end up being my wife. I am "young" at 28 (going
on 29) but I want things now and I want to be leading to an end and
the reality is that it just probably isn't going to be you. Before we
start falling deep and investing a whole lot of time, love and, let's
be honest, money (BTW you forgot your gas card young lady) I feel it
best to stop the romantic side of things. It just isn't going to work
and I don't want to lead you to a place where you will resent me for
it forever.
I was going to call you later, but it has been picking at me all week
and I couldn't wait anymore.”
( who knew chapstick was a dealbreaker?)
While saying this, I appreciate honesty with face to face contact. I think it’s common for people to maybe say more than they are willing to say in person when writing an e-mail or a text. People who don’t have balls tend to hide behind e-mails/texts. To you people: Speak to me face to face. I find it cowardly when I get an e-mail that could start an altercation, when you wouldn’t say half those things to my face. What did the cavemen do back in the day when they were fighting over women? They didn’t send a BBM, they probably grunted to each other and got their clubs out and beat the shit out of each other.
Here is a perfect example, from my e-mail vault of what NOT to do. I can laugh about this e-mail now…but for a while it stung pretty badly. However, I must say I appreciate the honesty in this.
“Sorry I've been super busy at work, I am the only ********** right
now, everyone is on vacation.
Also, I had a great weekend with you and I think we connected nicely.
But that just got me thinking all day Sunday after you left. Stuff
like "Is this what its going to be like?" (a good weekend then
leaving) "Are we really going to be able to deal with such huge
differences?"(marriage, kids, dogs, liberal v conservative, cranking
down your chapstick when I leave mine up, all that important stuff)
and then there is the divorce thing and I just realized that how ever
much we get a long, there is so much wrong with it all and I don't
want to go down that path with someone that I know (or am relatively
sure) isn't going to end up being my wife. I am "young" at 28 (going
on 29) but I want things now and I want to be leading to an end and
the reality is that it just probably isn't going to be you. Before we
start falling deep and investing a whole lot of time, love and, let's
be honest, money (BTW you forgot your gas card young lady) I feel it
best to stop the romantic side of things. It just isn't going to work
and I don't want to lead you to a place where you will resent me for
it forever.
I was going to call you later, but it has been picking at me all week
and I couldn't wait anymore.”
( who knew chapstick was a dealbreaker?)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Things that shoud never be said
"We need to talk" -- gross. RG and I decided this is prob. the worst thing to ever say.
"I like him/her, but..." -- get real. stop trying to act like less of a bitch. Either you like someone or you dont, no BUTS.
"I dont remember, I was so drunk" -- I dont care how drunk I get, no matter if I'm drinking vodka,tequila, or a mix, I always remember what was said and done. and my phone is like my hansel and gretl bread trail. It always leads me to the truth of the night before.
"I dont put out on the first date" -- seriously? enough said.
"I like him/her, but..." -- get real. stop trying to act like less of a bitch. Either you like someone or you dont, no BUTS.
"I dont remember, I was so drunk" -- I dont care how drunk I get, no matter if I'm drinking vodka,tequila, or a mix, I always remember what was said and done. and my phone is like my hansel and gretl bread trail. It always leads me to the truth of the night before.
"I dont put out on the first date" -- seriously? enough said.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Things I've learned from my mom
Always gel/wash your hands after every store you leave while you're shopping.
people are dirty.
people are dirty.
Back for season 2
If you are looking for a new show to watch... I recommend the Glades on A&E. Takes place in Miami, is a murder mystery show... kinda dexter-esque but not nearly so creepy. Yep and Matt Passmore is hot.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I called it!
Looks like little ms. crystal harris has come to her senses and dumped limp dick hef. She packed her bags 5 days before their wedding date and hit the road.Holly knew all along... why didnt anyone listen when she said crystal was a golddigger months ago?
Who will I sit with when im old?
these are my good old boys. they sit at the bar every weekend and drink heavily while bitching about sports and women.who do I sit with when im old? My parents will be dead, and my brothers are too good for me.
Woke up to this Saturday morning
Clearly I looted someones childhood memories Friday night after multiple goblets full of vino.
I just shake my head...
The sugar glider is my favorite. Thanks Chase.
9am,Sunday morning @ Marley's
I have NEVER seen this many cars leftover from the night before. Hello, walk of shame! See Hamel doing one herself in the left of the photo. how many skanky hook-ups happened at mt. olympus or the holiday motel during the wee hours?Lambeau Field by day and by night
46,000 drunk cowboys and cowgirls gathered at Lambeau Field on Saturday to see Kenny Chesney kick ass at the frozen tundra. Uncle Cracker, Billy Currington, and Zac Brown Band were also in attendance. Gates opened at 11am and closed at 11pm... 12 hours of drinking? Wow. Some of the highlights included:*30 minute lines for the bathroom (which led to a lot of drunk women sneaking in the mens room)
* Making friends while in the line for the bathroom and getting phone numbers...from girls. Weird. but cool. More drinking buddies? I can't go wrong.
*Sara's sister drunkenly half chewing skittles, then spitting them out and throwing them at the nice cowboy who lent her his fold out chair.
*Me making more female friends, and being drunk enough to use her lipgloss because it was such a pretty color. Now i have a mysterious sore throat. ewwwww.
*my 40 some year old BFF brenda was scamming on my kool-aid.. 50 some year old greg. (yes i had to make friends with my bleacher-mates._)
Above all, having Mike Mccarthy come on stage with the Super Bowl trophy and letting Kenny hang on to it was the best moment of the night. Ive never heard a crowd roar so loud.
GO PACK GO.
Spotted: Willy St.
I just want to scream TREASON when I read this letter... found typed and taped numerous times on a building across from Roman Candle on Willy St. This Randall character mustve been urinating in public or panhandling. Maybe public intoxication??
This has to be against code
for the love of god why doesn't my room have windows? One skylight is not going to help much in case of a fire. My rope ladder from Sky Mall is going to get me onto the roof. I think I need to find another way out... help me brainstorm friends.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
GaGa 60 Minutes interview
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7346544n
Sorry , couldn't get it to embed. This chick just amazes me.
Sorry , couldn't get it to embed. This chick just amazes me.
we have the best view of severe weather from our balcony
Even better is watching our OCD neighbor mowing his lawn during a tornado warning, and then after the storm comes getting out soap and water and washing his driveway. Makes complete sense doesn't it?
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