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Soundtrack to my Day 07/29/11

I feel like every day at work I have a different soundtrack to my day. Its like a constant episode of Glee, without Rachel Berry appearing out of nowhere with her horrible tights. This is todays soundtrack, as of now.



Morning drive in to work: "I wanna Go" Britney Spears
Rolling into my office, 30 min late: "Look at me now" Chris Brown
First of many coffees of the day "Lights" Ellie Goulding
Coming down from coffee high "Yellow" Coldplay
Lunch "Heard Em Say" Kanye West
2pm,day dragging "My Own Worst Enemy" Lit
Finally,drive home "Dirt Road Anthem" Jason Aldean
Dinner/reality TV "Edge of Glory" Lady GaGa.

loving the new coldplay.

Coldplay - Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall by EMI_Music

I love trip advisor

1. Las Vegas, NV, USA

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Things found at goodwill

I think its time i start a new blog dedicated solely to all of the treasures I find at goodwill. For now, I will keep posting them here. ps:im so mad I didn't get a pic of the kegel exerciser found in the housewares aisle. No amount of Lysol can cure that.

Viva las Vegas... someone was on ex and got a hold of a bedazzler. I decided.

crabfest=embarrassment, cokes,exoskeleton flying everywhere

My friends and I were classy today and went to red lobster for dinner. I had my 4 dollars off dinner coupon, so we went "balls to the walls" aka I had regular soda. Sara claimed that if you ask the server to crack your crab legs for you, they CAN'T say no. God that sounds like such a threat doesn't it? So we get this sweet little cokehead with the sparkly headband, sure enough sara requests the extra services=crab leg cracking. She nods ok. at this point I was a 5 on a 1-10 embarrassment scale. 5 buckets of cheddar bay biscuits later, because they're crack, and our food comes. Sparkly headband brings our seafood fest bake thingy and says that someone will be over shortly to help crack. Note embarrassment level rising. Enter rode hard put away wet, who is most likely sparkles coke dealer. She brings out a tray, plops it next to our table, and whips out rubber gloves. She snapped them on with such gusto you would think she was performing a prostate exam. Nope,she was going to crack each and every crab leg in the pot and extract every scrap of crab meat. Crab shell flying, meat flying, she was there for like 5 minutes, listening to our convo as I try to not snort the soda out of my nose because im laughing so hard. Sara had no clue what services she had requested. But the outcome worked in her favor; she got to eat her feast with a fork, while Hamel and I were schmucks with our slimy crabby hands. Sara-1 Red Lobster-0.

I was standing in the salad bar line the other day, eyefucking a foreign looking med student. Then I got distracted by the lady in front of me; picking through each spinach leaf, taking her sweet time. Since she was holding up the line, I couldnt help but notice how her two sizes too small floral skirt was being eaten by her ass. I scuffed while scooping peas on my salad. I got to wondering...what if people could hear my thoughts like sookie stackhouse in true blood? I then shook my head and tried to erase the nasty thoughts going through my brain. Then I figured, screw it. I think it would be freshly entertaining if people could hear my thoughts. But im betting they would either be turned on or offended.

Currently

In epic training at work. Jesus aka the booming voice coming out through the speakerphone is rushing through the tutorials and yelling at people for asking questions. This room is full of old ladies and Asians...its like they just missed the bus. They keep looking around kinda puzzled, asking where the menu button went.

Oops

patient calling for Dr. Djamali.

"HI IS THIS DR. JUMANJI'S OFFICE?"

cue the running rhinos through our clinic door.

breakups and death everywhere. WTF 2011?

Is it just me, or has this been the strangest/worst year in a while? Forecast for the whole year should've been Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

Divorces are as common as HPV, people are dying left and right ( I lost my last two grandparents, one after another), random babies being born, and on top of that, everything is so damn dramatic.

I think God/Buddha/whoever you are up there is preparing us for December 21,2012. You will all be able to find me on a fault line aka Las Vegas. I plan to be drunker than a skunk while I meet my demise and plummet into the earth's core.

I will leave all of my valuables to my dog, Tequila. Because if anyone survives the Apocalypse, It'll be her.

Sara and I pull up to McD's this morning in desperate need of coffee. I tell her I want a large Vanilla iced coffee. She wants a sugar free iced coffee. She asks me , you want sugar free? I say no, I want it WITH sugar. The vanilla syrup has sugar in it already.

"Yeah Hi can I get a large.... Vanilla iced coffee WITH SUGAR please? And a medium sugar free iced coffee?"

So basically we order a sweetened coffee drink with extra shots of sugar.

This reminds me of when my mom let us loose over the summer with my dependable brother as our babysitter. I was making sugar free kool-aid (it already had the sugar in it, so you could just add water. instant diabetes!) So me being smart, I added a cup of sugar because I wanted kool-aid with SUGAR in it!

the result was horrendous. So I took the leftover kool-aid and tried to dye my hair with it. Such an 80's thing. And of course that didnt work because I wasn't blessed with blonde hair.

I shouldve stuck to snorting pixie sticks.

family birthdays are my favorite days of the year. We get 5 days a year where we laugh until we cry, we talk about childhood memories, and my mom ALWAYS tell us the story of how we're born. (I was born on Labor Day Weekend in a room with clouds on the ceiling and nearly slid out onto the table at my PCP's office in mcfarland sooo my dad had to rush her to the hospital in his pimp daddy monte carlo with the swivel seats.) Today was my brother Tony's birthday. We grilled out, which usually happens 3 out of the 5 bdays a year. Since its tony's bday, cesar always has his shirt off and walks around with knives. Dont know why. Then after we eat its gift opening time, where my dad always shakes the box/bag and yells "es a DeeVeeDeeeee". This year Tony got a gift card to the Granola Factory aka Willy st coop as ces calls it, and a ton of penzeys spices. Even though his hair was falling in his bloodshot eyes due to lack of sleep, i could tell he was excited. He never asks for much, but deserves the world. He would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. So happy birthday Tony aka tony baloney, tonches,fry guy, antonio. Your family and keila and jenkins love the shit out of your granola hippie ass.

happy birthday fry guy

the most beautiful bride I've ever seen

Congrats CP-

I haven't seen you this happy in months. and you deserve so much happiness in life. It was such a joy to see you grinning from ear to ear (permagrin) throughout the whole day. You looked absolutely stunning. Love you dearly!

ps- you will always be CP to me.

why is the baby aisle so sexual?

gross.
haha.

Blowjob betty aka suck-a-ma-jigs. found at your local selective video.

The secret for perfectly tanned skin.

Found at your local walgreens in the ethnic hair dept. yes, im serious. it even smells like cocoa butter.

What is she thinking?

a) bitch please

b) I hate the nickname Sweetie.

c) That new doggy door really bites.

d) I hate bunnies.

hey jabroni

Give me back my phone charger.

eff you Delta Airlines

(this is our buddy Austin who slept through ALL OF THE CHAOS. I was amazed.)

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

Hey! Delta Airlines! You should get an award-- for being the airline to most consistentely FUCK UP on a regular basis. So the cargo door wouldnt open up- you didnt know that until 75% of the plane had already boarded? Then you make us wait for a total of 5 hours while you drill a hole in the bottom of the plane and take seats out so you can fix the door?

I have never in my life seen so many hot and sweaty disgruntled people in my life. Its almost amazing to people watch when incidents like this occur. When one person throws a fit at the gate and starts swearing, the rest of the herd follows suit and stands in line to drop their own personal F bomb.

I wonder how many people on that flight were so pissed because they had a raging hangover from being in vegas for the weekend (myself included.)

The only reason I flew Delta in the first place was to use up a voucher that I had from them from the previous time I flew Delta and they screwed up that flight too. Its a vicious circle. Continuous crappy service, and they just whore out vouchers to keep the customers coming back. Im composing another nasty gram, and will get yet ANOTHER voucher.

I MISS YOU VEGAS

View from the Mixx Lounge, 63rd floor of Mandalay Bay-

Dont worry Vegas, Im coming back sooner than I thought. Im currently writing a hate letter to Delta re: My horrible flight experience. Hoping to get ANOTHER voucher from them. Heaven forbid they would give you cash back.

aw yeah hush that fuss

I walk into work this morning with my fresh Vegas tan... my co-worker (who is completely politically incorrect) confronts me and says:

"YOU SHOULD BE IN THE BACK OF THE BUS HONEY!"

seriously? Lolz. I mean I'm tan, but boy oh boy. inapro-pro.

Finally got vertical, and found this

I must've gotten wild with my barbecue sauce last night. Ohemgee,

Day one in vegas

Well, I was awoken by a horrific sounding fire alarm which was so loud I shot out of bed and nearly pissed myself. Then a little hispanic lady in a hazmat uniform came in and dumped random chemicals in our bathtub. "No es a fire ok?" thanks for the reassurance. Last night I got bomb.com for 3 dollars. That takes talent in the city of lost wages. I should get a prize. Met an actor in the tournament of kings show at the bar, and gave him 20 questions about his jousting and horseriding skills. And he had a hot ponytail, I kinda wanted to grab it. Of course, the night wouldn't be complete without a random drunk british guy named Rich... and I think I'll stop there. Bring it on day two.

Please just STOP

I have a co-worker who's extremely persistent. she never stops screaming. Its like when my dog gets a charlie bear stuck under the fridge; dust bunnies fly as she sticks her paw under there for hours trying to get that one little morsel of goodness.

She screeches like a great horned owl and has the talons (acrylics to go with it.) She was screaming at me about labels. "MEEELLLISSSAAAAAAA" (yeah bitch get my name wrong) "WHERE ARE THE LABELSSSSSSSSS" The worst part is, you blow her off, and she wont stop screeching. and did I mention she smells like the inside of a coconut?

Teen mom season 3 starts out with a BANG

Teen Mom (Season 3) - MTV Shows

please everyone fast forward to the 14 minute mark- Maci confronts Ryan about not paying child support. Ryan then asks the question that we've all been wondering since "Ky" appeared on the show. And of course, he has marbles in his mouth and is chewing ice while texting her the question.

If you dont watch teen mom yet, please do.

Also, watch for the little nugget Sophia to be left on the stairs while her mommy gets frozen peas placed on her boobs. And typical, Catelynn's WT mom and inbred little brother make a cameo.

AND Gaaaaaarrrryyyyyyyyyyy is still fat, wearing affliction tees like a boss.

nothing makes me happier

than a good challege at Goodwill and St Vinny's. I could spend hours digging through the jean racks finding designer jeans for $4.00 that some snooty lady probably wore once. I do buy stuff at full price, but sometimes its fun to dig for treasures. Even if it takes forever.

I will never get used to the smell of Goodwill , and why some things are mysteriously sticky. I tend to wash my hands 3+ times when I get home with Judy hot water.

After a good purchase, we like to ask- "is that shirt new? or new to you?"

Casey Anthony- NOT GUILTY?

"THEY SHOULD HANG HER IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN SQUARE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM IS BULLSHIT."-heard over my cubbie, my co-worker apparently thinks this is medieval times?

Someone help me. I have a disease.

I cannot stop playing Bug Village. This is like my Cafe World obsession all over again.
I overfeed my ants so they are always on sugar highs and they work that much harder. Those poor little bugs. theyre like crack fiends when I feed them their cupcakes and cookies.


I need a life.

Maroon 5 video I took @ summerfest

Things seen on our porch

This is why poguey and I sit on our porch with a glass of red wine, a police scanner, and binoculars. Because of shit like this. Random old white lady driving a beat up van with one taillight. Teenage black boy standing on van seat , sticking his body out the sunroof. They drove past our apt numerous times. WTF?
and we also love watching random leslies doing lunges all the way down the sidewalk. what a schmuck.

Summerfest-Maroon 5 concert 07-02-2011

This is what Summerfest is all about. Boobs and beer. Which we saw plenty of . I swear I paid $6.50 for each bottle of Miller Lite- which was a total rip-off because I never got drunk. They must water their shiz down to make a buck. The gentleman in the red polo was named Bill. Bill said he was assuring "job security" by dropping his beer bottles and ciggie butts on the ground "so those motherfuckers have a job" God bless America, and men like Bill.

Patriotic Leslie. I hope I look like her when Im 6oish.

I now know what it feels like to be packed into a sardine can. Maroon 5 brought more people to a free stage than i've ever seen. They should've definitely been at the Marcus Ampitheater and charged admission. I would've paid . I think a lot of people didn't know who he was until he was on The Voice. Sooo we can thank NBC for the most claustrophobic concert experience I've ever had. Awesome show though. They only did a 60 min set, wish they would've sung more. But free stage... I get it...did I mention how SMOKIN HOT adam levine is?

Star Spangled Celebration-Miranda Lambert Concert 06-25-11

one too many buds and mr pink mohawk man hit the floor

Speeding ticket on the way there because I harassed my mom that I couldn't miss Joe Nichols sing "tequila makes her clothes fall off" thanks deputy porter. asshole. Small Town Saturday night


Miranda and Joe. I got pretty close! crappy pictures but my camera on my phone is no bueno.Drunk Cowgirl Snooki with the cowboy hat. she was a hoot. I was waiting for her to take a tumble.