Dear Franco (cleaning person @ work)

stop touching shit on my desk and leaving me bunk items. Thanks.

the new love of my life

hello? yea? What?!?

nothing is more fun for me than calling someone's name at work , or at my house and when they respond, "yea?" say nothing in return.. then 2 seconds later, again... "yes? did you call me?"

.... silence....crickets... its pretty immature but one of my favorite games I like to play.

Mexico v England game 05/24/2010

can you spot the mexicans? yeah typical they shove them all in the corner on the lefthand side of the photo... they are all 4 shades darker than the rest of the crowd. England won the game 3-1... but they still better sharpen their skills if they think they can beat USA in the world cup opener June 12.

a video of one of England's goals... caught by my little british spy.

I hate bikers

this morning I was trying to turn right to get to work.. I had a green and was halfway through turning when a biker decided to fly through the intersection and almost smack right into my car. right before she biked in front of me ... I pulled my finger gun out and made the hand motion that i shot her. she looked really confused, but stopped.

I'm sure that was not appropriate but it was damn funny ... and prevented a real injury from happening. Just another day in paradise.

Funny

Pet Peeve of the Day.

OMG, does it ever bother you when people drag their feet when they walk?? It drives me bonkers, we have a few offenders,  one in particular  here in the office that I can tell she's coming a mile a away, and it's like nails on a chalk board. Pick your feet up!

Saturday night was also scary

it started with drinking jenga...
then turned into a cozy bonfire...

then it turned into this. peeing in the fire. YIKES

Saturday was scary

Old Navy @ noon. Flip flops were on sale for 1 dollar. This was the line. It snaked around the entire store. Was it worth it for me to stand in like for $4 worth of rubber? When of course all of the colors and metallic sandals were gone at 10am. So your choices were black, white, and brown. Well I stood in line. And watched this mother in front of me stare down at her kid while he colored all over the floor with his crayons. And didnt do a thing about it. I wanted to kick him. Damn you , lazy moms!

who knew dog treats were so confusing?

me: "ew those treats look so hard. how are they supposed to even chew them?"
mom: " No. those arent treats. they are toys for the dogs. See it says so on the package."
me: "no mom. its for TOY breeds. they are clearly dog treats."

its keila/baby picture monday

Keeping guard of my parents house...

We caught her sleeping like this... what a goon

totally mad at me because I told her I was about to clip her toenails.

since I spent alot of time at my parents house this weekend (free air conditioning) I got to bond with my girls...

my little old lady got her hair cut! she doesnt smell like vacuum anymore

Please explain...

Found in my parking garage. What's the beef against hats?

strange things happen when you're drunk on coca-cola

the new verb of the day

to 8-ball. "Blazle 8-balls all day, when shes supposed to be working" "let me just 8-ball what the weekend is supposed to be like."

the drunk lady at work goes on a magic 8-ball website at work. she types in the most ridiculous questions, and believes the answer that the 8ball gives her. I guess your mind really works in mysterious ways when you have vodka with your cheerios and Jack Daniels is the president of the USA.

Uno mas cerveza!

I love this new beer. New drink of the summer!

not sure what this is

besides catcalling and nonsense downtown...

2012

This is Marisa's impression of watching 2012. Enough Said

Spotted: The beast

Scenario: Driving down the highway minding my own business, and then I hear a rumbling noise, at first I thought it was a garbage truck next to me bc it was so loud, but lo and behold I look over and not a Mack truck but a green Izuzu trooper, and the driver was none other than Hamel, not a care in the world, proud of her Buck Hunter and Rut Sex bumper sitickers driving down the world, with her stunna's on. Priceless!

What do you think these guys were thinking?

@ a stop light on East Wash. kinda funny to see two big guys in a small car. Food for thought.....

Looky Loo

I went for a  walk the other day in my new neighborhood. It is a pretty newly built area, and they are not cookie cutter houses to my amazement. So on my walk I found this house. First of all it looks huge, but the thing that really stood out is the tower. Like what's up there? Is it for show and it's nothing, or can you climb a rock wall and get to the top, or is it a a lookout tower for 2012  (sorry i just saw that movie), or is it a mini casino or is it a man cave? I mean the options are endless. 

why I love Billy the Exterminator

1) he must smoke more doobies than anyone I know
2) he has to spray his moms beehive hairdo daily because there are nests in it
3) he wears these superhero sunglasses that dont shield any sun at all
4) he talks to raccoons like theyre people
5)he wears spike jewelry... just to be cool
6) his favorite word is "BOTULISM" if I had a quarter every time he said it on his show, id be loaded.

Why I love DOG the bounty hunter

1) he has 12 children.. ranging from the ages of 20 somethings to kids in diapers. and theyre all different colors.
2) Beths boobs are so huge they have their own zip codes.
3) Leland thinks hes soooo cool fighting fugitives with a paintball gun
4) Dog says the word "bra" after everything. instead of bro. for example- "BRA. you gotta get off the ice. i mean seriously bra, your kids need you"
5) He wears a dangly earring, in ONE ear.
6) He has a kid named Baby Lyssa. on her birth certificate, it states "BABY LYSSA CHAPMAN"
how cool is that?
7) Beth can hardly operate her iphone because her neon pink nails are so damn long.
8)Dog's 4 year old has a goldilocks mullet just like him

spotted: the real mlopez@uwhealth.org

See the little tiny mexican lady pushing the cart while chatting away in spanglish on her blackberry? this is the REAL maria lopez. For those of you who dont know the scandal, people have been emailing Maria on accident the whole time Ive been employed @ UW. So far, Maria has received a copy of my wedding contract, multiple invites to Lia Sophia parties, cook outs, volunteer requests from the NKF, and other lovely emails regarding a swingers club.

I hope maria is illiterate and doesn't read these emails that were meant to be mine. Thank goodness I got married and got an even (more) common last name. jesus.

In my new world...

Strawberry shake will come out of all the water fountains .

Look who's working hard

picture from lon-donnnnnnn ... Wembley Stadium. Our good ol Danny Boy needs to taste test the beers to make sure the "tappers are working properly"

I call bullshit button. Way to get drunk on the big man's tab! he's my kind of guy.

Wheres my glock when I need it?

No wonder I've been having nightmares for the past 5 days about cats scratching out my eyeballs, and biting my arms to the point where my flesh is falling off the bone...

Theres a creepy ass feral cat living in the garden of my neighbor's house. It just struts around and eats rodentia thats wandering around. Im starting to believe that this creepy malnourished black cat, lets name her "scanny" is jumping in my window at night and causing these dreams.

Anyone have a beebee gun... or a cannon...or... a sawed off shotgun I can borrow?

back from sick leave

And ive got plenty to rant about.

I spent 2 days on my couch... sweating like a sow at the county fair. snotting everywhere, and crying because I was lonely and feeling bad for myself. Mainly because the one person I needed most was an ocean away from me. But my mom saved the day, and stopped by with flowers and spongebob soup. (which, if you know me , spongebob shaped stuff tastes better than regular) She initially refused to give me a hug, but I attacked her when she walked in the door, due to lack of human contact for 48 hours. So everyone pray that she doesnt get my phantom flu that kicked my ass. And being addicted to bloody marys comes in handy. Because when youre too sick to go to the store and get orange juice- tomato juice has 120% of your vitamin C in it, even without the vodka! who knew?

CookieGate 2010

who brought the cookies?

Excuse me, Marisa ? Who brought the cookies?

mmmmmm. cookies. they smell good I want one.

COOKIES! those are my weakness.

if I had a quarter for everytime someone asked me where the gd cookies came from, i'd be a billionaire. People were chewing and getting crumbs all over my desk and in my hair. Needless to say the cookies are now gone. because certain people have taken 2-3 gigantic cookies for themselves. vulturing whores.

Also @ the Pig. (happening place)

I saw this license plate. I see it flying all around town down East Wash, parking in handicapped spots, next to the drunk lady's house. But who is it, b/c we know it's not our C Dub.

Octo-mom @ the Pig?

Ok, so walking into the Pig last night after work to pick up a few groceries, this is what I encountered:

A) This van must think it has VIP parking, b/c it just rolled up on the curb and parked right in front of the door

B) Kids, yes multiple  were running all around this van screaming with the windows open, no adult in site. Is this how hood rats do their grocery shopping now? You would of thought I was in Sun Prairie.

C) One of the 10 kids was telling the wiener dog to bark at everyone that walked, little did she know that dog just wanted someone to kidnap it to get it out of it's misery.

D)  WTH?

cloudy with a chance of meatballs

I live for the severe weather in the summer. nothing is more soothing than thunder, pouring rain, and lightning. the clouds are always especially dark over the water.. picture taken on John nolen Drive... while photographer was driving with her knees and playing with herself, I mean, blackberry.

malbech and chocolate cake is heaven

the dessert cart was most deceiving. this cake was 7inches in diameter...compared to the tiny plastic version that i saw which was maybe 2 inches. And you know its sad when the most expensive thing on your bill was the piece of cake. hungry hungry hippo.. yes I am.

by the way, everyone go to 1855- GREAT happy hour. and to see washed up models pose. 3 dollar glasses of house wine, which are poured to the brim. 3 dollar taps of everything and anything... including guinness and spotty spots. best thing= $5 pizzas made in the little wood fire hearth. and the topping options are obscure yet delicious. My favorite is the Wood Fired pizza which has mushrooms, feta cheese, peppers, and mozzerella. The Buffalo Chicken and Thai Chicken are also delicious. The BBQ sauce on the bbq roasted pizza is a bit sketch, because its bbq sauce and pizza sauce mixed.

happy hour goes until 6pm. and after 6pm hopefully you're drunk enough to handle the free entertainment that is THE jerry steuber. he performs every thursday night. hes too cute.

drunk lady in action

when you think literally....

Dr. Vijay from New Delhi = V.J. (which stands for vodka and "jin" not gin.)

found under art/media/graphic design tab on craigslist...

I suppose this is a pretty artsy job. (: another common misspelling- male vs mail. hmmm.


MALE WAITER AND/OR DANCER (LAKE GENEVA, WI)
Date: 2010-04-30, 2:34PM CDTReply to: see below
NATIONALLY FAMOUS FEMALE ORIENTATED MALE DANCE CLUB IS NOW HIRING MAIL WAITERS AND/OR DANCERS. WEEKEND ONLY. APPLY IN PERSON OR CALL 262-248-2550 AFTER 7:00 PM NIGHTLY. WILLING TO TRAIN THE RIGHT PERSON. TIP EARNINGS $200.00 - $500.00 NITELY!
Location: LAKE GENEVA, WI
Compensation: tIP EARNINGS $200.00 - $500.00 NIGHTLY!

I love watching losers running and chasing buses

typically UW students... still half sleeping, eyes not even open. Then they suddenly wake up when they watch the 2 whiz by them at hyper speed. This morning was no different.

I was at a stop light on Broom St. Granola, age 19, monster sized backpack with 1000 textbooks crammed into it. The backpack literally weighed down her tiny birdy frame. Coffee mug in one hand, other hand is constantly pulling up her jeans so they dont fall down.
Now comes the 2. Warp speed, 1000 miles an hour down broom, only to slam on the brakes at every bus stop. Granola sees the bus, and runs as fast as her Teva sandals will take her... Running with her right hand sticking straight out, trying not to spill a drop of her chai latte organic low fat made by local farmers concoction. Left hand trying to keep her hemp pants up . Backpack bouncing up and down, about to crack her back in half.

She runs in front of traffic, almost gets picked off by a huge pickup truck, then runs in FRONT of the 2. she almost became organic road kill. But chick had determination, and made it on the bus.

I love mornings when the kids are late for the bus.

Happy Friday

Why have I heard Happy Friday five times today, so far? Happy Friday! Happy Friday!
I was walking into work this morning, saw two people high fiving and screaming "ITS FRIDAY!" wow. I woke up this morning thinking it was Tuesday, so I must be way off. They must be excited for a couple reasons:

a) They have shitty ass jobs and cant wait for the clock to hit 430.

b) they are more than ready to start their weekend benders, but cant drink on the job

c) they saved money by switching to Geico car insurance.

new bar to try out: Atomic Koi

I tried out the Atomic Koi cocktail Lounge in Fitchburg last night. Its right next to Roman Candle pizza (across from the cop shop). I walked in and immediately inhaled that "new" smell; mainly fresh paint. I recognized one of the bartenders from the Jade Monkey on Cottage Grove Rd. Then I looked around the place and realized this must be a Hawk joint because it looks soo much like Jade, but its missing something. The ambiance, the people, the shenanigans. I know this place is new, i get it.
When I walk into the Jade, no matter what day and time, theres always something going on. Russian Kiddie cocktails and mojitos are constantly being poured. The place is full of tattooed hippies, granolas, lesbians making out, crazy town drunks, and of course-- amy winehouse's "rehab" is always blasting from the retro jukebox.

Atomic Koi - You have work to do. What are you going for? What's your identity? You have potential, now get the funky clientele that was Soooooo lacking last night.

Im going to stick to the Jade.

you know your modeling career has failed...

when you're now slangin' pizza and doing poses while standing around @ 1855. I saw a guy working there who I remember from my past. When I was 21 and thought it was cool to go to flippy cup night or whatever the hell it was at Brats downtown. my friend was madly in love with this guy... his modeling career was just "skyrocketing" , he had made page 65 in the farm and fleet christmas catalog. "look for me in the bottom right corner!" we then became facebook friends... and i watched him post his exclusive pics .

his status updates would then be "in germany" or "doing a shoot in Milan"...
now years later I find him posing while standing around doing nothing in cottage grove. sorry pete, your modeling days are long gone my friend. But I bet you'll have no problem pulling any of the hostesses.

Another year older. Hello 28!

Do I feel older? No. But its hella scary being this much closer to 30. I used to think that 30 was so far off and an ancient number. But now, I can’t believe I will soon not be a “twenty-something”. Obviously I’m doing things the unconventional way aka wanting to finish college now rather than right out of high school, already been there and done that with owning a home. But I have minimal regrets and I’m learning to not sweat the small stuff, life’s not worth it (took me forever to figure this out). Enjoy the right now with good friends and family and good wine!

Spotted: Old man on a crotch rocket.

No Harley for this guy. He is breaking the trend, and if you look closely what establishment is in the background. Gotta love the scenery on East Wash.

My new look..........

I think my closet threw up

I think  I have too many sandals, but I can't seem to part with them. I mean what if one day I need  to match my outfit to a pair of Orange flops. I mean who cares if I only wear them once that summer. So if you need to borrow a pair of sandals or even a purse, bc I have one of every color too.

SPEED UP THEN

hey granola eating asshole going 20mph on willy st. ---- If your said car climbed a mountain, surely it can go at least the speed limit. Take your aaaccccennnt and hit the road! maybe you're busy playing with your dreads while you drive. EYES ON THE ROAD!

What NEXT?

okay, so after the false fire alarms, the hoarding cat lady, and then me breaking the front door, I thought I had a break from shenanigans at forward management. but no, thats not the case.

My ol' buddy Rory came through and checked out everyones toilets the other day to see if they were functioning. we were given a survey to fill out; poor, satisfactory, or good. how were the toilets working? then were instructed to leave it on the bathroom vanity. well... some drunk at my house circled poor, and also wrote a nasty gram about the AC being broken. which is true. Im going to fry this summer. The AC is barely a cool breeze, and i dont even have an AC unit in my room. So come june, im going to put my king sized bed in my living room... studio style. and put my couch in my bedroom.

Anyway, so Rory comes to check out my AC yesterday... he didnt fix the fucking thing. but i got yet ANOTHER NOTE. stating " I'll try to figure out where your screen went."

thanks a fucking lot rory. You better pray I dont fall out of my living room window or your ass is grass. I learned I had no window screen the hard way... when i let Hamel sleep on my couch with the windows open... woke up the next day to bugs, gnats, and skeeters swarming her. it was a sight to see.

Stay tuned everyone... as this tom foolery unfolds. Where exactly is my window screen? And maybe i should cut a hole in my bedroom to let more cool air pass through.

if I had a million dollars...

I'd buy this whole website. omg. Naven dresses are to DIE FOR!!!!! if anyone wants to contribute to my fund, id be glad to accept.

https://www.naven.net/homepage.php

Just another night at the chunk

Sara's fave machine

my fave machine

I can only hope to be like this little bitty. wheeled up to a slot machine with a sombrero on. Ay Carumba! she still knows how to party. This pic was taken this past saturday @ 12am. id say she probably stood about 4'10". So cute!

I have divorced miller brewing company...

For New Glarus Brewing company.. I started off solving the world's problems with Spotted Cow. But Totally Naked is soooo refreshing, its a great summer beer, i recommend it for anyone. AND, the dog likes it. so how can you go wrong?

Happy birthday princess P

too much of drinking these... leads to this....




join us tonight to celebrate princess' "32nd" birthday... Giant 7-14-21 tournament to be included in the festivities! bring your drinking boots and a designated driver (:

you know you've hit rock bottom when...

you're making ramen noodles for dinner, and then realized that they had expired in 10/2008. ewww. So if they expired in 2008, when were they really manufactured? 2002?

When i move to different apartments, my food moves with me. And I know there are some questionable items that are probably old. I have some velveeta cheesy dip that has since been discontinued, from 2007. My favorite is the blueberry muffin mix that expired in 07 also. I didnt have the heart to get rid of that just yet.

Its pretty impossible for someone like me, whos a drifter, and I just dont know when/if I'll eat dinner, and if I eat, where will I eat it? Everytime I buy fresh food, I end up throwing it away. which is so sad. So for now, I stick to noodles and bottles of wine. Ah, living the high life.

What do you all think is the oldest food item in your pantries? I know its scary, but go look through your cupboards tonight.. see if you have any food thats probably growing mold and spare legs/arms.

Ok, long overdue but.......

Looky what I found MLO's house. Woke up in a drunken stupor trying to make coffee, and all I could find is damn candy, even in the freezer!  WTF. Please also pay close attention to the Ducks with hats on them.