what are you?

Saturday night, Hamel and I went to Marley's for my friend Amy's birthday. I've been in a slump lately, being a washed up old married lady. and it didnt help that alll day saturday on E! there were spring break/panama city beach shows... to make me more depressed. So I figured I'd go all out, get dressed up and have a good time. Well nothing could prepare me for the tom foolery that is, Marleys.

Marleys is a melting pot. People from everywhere, Chicago, Milwaukee, and Madison all drive up to Wisc Dells to dance and get shawasted. My first tip for everyone is to be drunk, or buzzing before you even walk in the door. That was the first mistake I made. I was clinging to Hamel's side, shaking because there were drunk people shoving me, sweating on me, and screaming in my face. I saw bleach blonde snookies, Soulja Boy tell em's, ushers, and chicks with dresses so short their britney's were hanging out. And of course they were the ones on the palm trees... in the middle of the dance floor with a group of guys standing around the palm tree platform, staring up their skirt. priceless.

But the best part was how people perceived me. I was called Pocahantas, Sacagawea, Kim K, and the Hamburgler. (because, duh! when you wear a striped shirt you are automatically the hamburgler)

this granola from Kenosha stumbled up to me.. slurring and spitting while he talked.
granola: "you have a zebra shirt. its exotic.... slur slur slur fuhfwi4657564765. What are you?"
me: "excuse me? what am i?"
granola: "maybe... i like ... didnt word that right..sooo.. f8t8478hfgjfhd. where are you from?"
me: "madison."
granola: "but you look like you're from ..ummm europe."
hamel screams, MAKE SOMETHING UP
me: "well im Armenian."
granola: "ha. yeah i dont even know what that is... soooo.... slurrfjbfjksef I'm not going to even ask you your name..cuz yah I won't remember it. But ill remember your zebra top."

Hey guys, did you know that the way into a girls heart is to slur to her and ask her what she is. hmm.... im not impressed.

But nothing beats the guy who was 28 with a baby, and a crazy baby momma, and his selling point to me was that hes never been to jail. And hes "only had 2 DUI's" and likes to smoke a lot of heat in the passenger seat... um yes he was spittin' rhymes too. Some people are so much hotter when they don't talk.