Yikes.

Blue Lagoon recipe

When Dan and I went to Cancun we found our favorite drink to be the Blue Lagoon. We brought the recipe back to Wisco and after a couple of them, we all forgot who we were, and I fell asleep during bingo.

7-up (diet 7 tastes fine with it too)
Lemon juice
Blue caracao
Vodka

Start with the lemon juice on the bottom. pour the 7up in until its about 3/4 full. Mix blue curacao and vodka in a seperate glass, and pour it until the glass is full. Add more vodka to taste.

5 bottles of wine equals

Sara, Hamel, and I searching through our phones to find the perfect victim for a drunk dial.
If you're on this list- I'm sorry. not.

Foster- we placed a call to this gentleman, he was @ joe's firestation playing pool. Pocket pool maybe. We asked him if he put GoldBond on his balls to prevent chafing. he said yes maam of course. Passed around the phone to the entire bar.. and they kept saying "oh, shes from Card Club" Then i'd proceed to tell them that I won tons of money on a straight flush, even though they play euchre. Oh well. I ended up getting hung up on because I called from a restricted number.

Maverick AKA evan: met this guy in Vegas. He lives in San Diego. Well Saturday night when i called him, he was at the ice machine on the 3556 floor of the Mirage. Told him to meet me outside Caeser's palace and then we'd go to Pure or shadow bar. Later, i got dumped. Sent me a text saying "ive already got sexy bitches in my hotel room, sorry next time (:" WOAH. You cant break off a fake date, ass!

Eugene- he got a call with the usual : our order for BW3 then we begged him to deliver. He said no, but was nice about it , like always. I think we discussed haircuts too.

I have 7 Ryans in my phone. I dialed many of them. One of them won Metallica tickets from 94.9, and I guess I woke the other one up, he was on call at the firestation in Milwaukee. I got a nasty text hours later. Oops.

This guy named Deks or Dax or Dezi or something is a regular on match.com. So I guess I asked him on a date, and gave him drunk lady's work number to call back. Touche!

Even family isn't safe from the pranking. My brother got a call from Julianne, from 1-800-SCANNER asking him for an exclusive interview, and that we hear him on our scanner app all the time and just think he's such a delight.

A lot of numbers were disconnected;other people hung up on me. One guy said he was hanging up because he doesnt know a "kim" and now his favorite song came on the radio and im ruining it. We sent a couple e-mails to Jorge because he has no phone anymore, and instead we got Katie Morales. bitch.

back to the daily grind.. more news from the office

one, two, three times a not lady like position...

she loves showing off her vajay. end of story.

everyone should own one of these

My bible. I've got this at my apt. studying it so I dont look like that big of a clown in June. wish me luck

Hey Fire Marshall!

Instead of using the complimentary christmas tree chipping the month after the holidays have come and gone, my dad decided to forego that and keep the tree around just in case the "birdies" needed a home for the winter. So there the tree sat... through the snowstorms. Now spring has come out to play, and we have a nasty brown eyesore of a christmas tree. So on one of my dads many days off, he burned the fucker down. the tree was engulfed in flames. He may have thrown furniture into this pile for all i know... this is all thats left of the poor ol' christmas tree. a big black sizzling hole in the backyard. Feliz Navidad.

I Obviously have marbles in my mouth

While taking my one hour turn on the call center, Ive been called these names, so far:

Martha
Ruth
Lisa
Melissa

M-A-R-I-S-A

Blohan mustve been in my apt parking lot last night

I saw this and immediately thought "blohan mustve parked her banged up maserati here" and snapped a pic..

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/lindsay-lohan-i-had-baby-powder-on-my-shoes-not-cocaine-2010313

Want to earn more money????

Saw this car parked outside B dubs and I think it is trying to advertise how to make more money, but from the looks of it, it must of ran out of money to finish a full sentence.

DWTS Week 2

(pic courtesy of http://www.calendars.com/img/products/original/201000002061.png)

Evan-

M-wow. Still hate you! But you rocked it .
S- Like I said last week, Evan who?

Niecy-
M- much better, but keep yo mouth shut!
S- Not bad, but super annoying!

Aidan-
M-hottie. Did way better.
S- He gets to stay on for just being a looker, Boy can’t dance though

Shannan-
M- trailerpark trash. Skinny legs beer belly
S- Ughhhh.. skank bag city. Go get a spray tan

Jake-
M- its hip to be square? Well buddy, you're a square and you have highwaters on. He's such a knob!
S- What a f’ing tool. You are the weakest link

Buzz Aldrin-
M- awwwwhhhhhhhh. Still can't shake it ! But he's cuter than a button. Why do the judges rip him off w his score???
S-  He’s like 80 something but still manages to get up there and dance. Soooo cute, but the wifey needs to lay off the plastic surgery!

Nicole Scherz-
M- holy shit girl worked it out!!!!!! She is a pro dancer already!
S- Damn, that girl rocked it. But she should totally not be able to compete b/c of her dancing background. She is by far the best.

Erin Andrews-
M-her and maks are gorgeous together! And she's not bad. Very flexible!
S- They are the cutest couple and her dancing aint bad either!

Pamelaaaaa-
M- wow! Not bad. I'm pleasantly surprised. And I'm a marilyn fan so I really enjoyed this foxtrot. Rock on pam!
S- I can’t believe I’m saying this but I really like her on this show. Hopefully she goes far b/c she is one of the least annoying.

Ochocinco..
M-.hmmm he did better last week. But he's still cute and has a lot of potential
S- I like to watch him mack on Cheryl. He may not be able to dance, but he has game.

Gosselin.
M- Holy cow gf. She had no clue what she was doing...was wayyy behind in her steps, horrific!
S- OMG. Where do I start? I gave her a pity party last week, but chick needs to go. Soooooo bad. Give her props for trying but beyond that, bye bye!

Food Review: QQ Asian Buffet

I went to QQ asian buffet for lunch on Saturday. chinese food buffets are super dodgy and you wonder how long its been sitting out. I was happily surprised with QQ; every 2-3 minutes the cooks were coming out with fresh food, and it was always steaming hot. I tried every single chicken dish there, and almost all of the seafood. I was very impressed with the seafood selection. It was good quality, for it being a buffet

I had to try these shrimp simply because they still had their corneas intact, and they had these prickly feelers or whiskers that were about 5 inches long. You have to peel and degut these shrimp, but thats half the fun.

my mom was way more of a daredevil than I .. trying sushi from a buffet. But she said the salmon was delicious, and loved the ginger and wasabi sides to zip it up a bit. Neither of us braved the chopsticks; this was a forks only occasion.

for 2 people to eat to our hearts content, and 1 mountain dew and a hot tea: $16.83

great price, fresh hot chinese food... and those yummy chinese doughnuts that are sprinkled in sugar, I'd say it was a success.

Gross.

I sit at the front desk of the office I work in.
We are known to have candy and individually wrapped chocolate at my desk, which is fine. I know which people are vultures because they stuff their pockets with candy, like they're squirrels hiding nuts for winter.

But today im faced with a new food product. Animal Crackers. In a giant 4 lb bucket. I have a huge pink bowl atop of my desk. And I sit here, from 8-430 and watch people shove their traps full of crackers. Its the grossest thing I could ever witness. People who have just left clinic and still have patient germs on their hands dive in and eat. and then they eat more. and more.

Its sick. If you all only knew how you looked from my POV .. with your mouths wide open, accumulating crumbs all over MY desk.

Im suddenly not hungry. Because the top vulture @ our institution just crammed her pockets full of animal crackers while she had a mouthfull.

Its like the depression, and this bucket of crackers is the last scrap of food around. Ration it people! because it will be gone soon!

Life is rough

I wish I could get paid to do this... Happy Passover everyone.

Gorgeous

I know this is old news, but holy cow! Carrie Underwood's engagement ring is amazing!!!!! I may just get one myself... Cz's of course. Oh to be rich and famous

New show review. Pretty Wild

(pic courtesy of http://danlevyshow.com/news/)

Pretty Wild on E! Chelsea Handler is the producer so I thought it would be good. Not so much. All it is, is a boring show about 3 rich snobby brats (Tess Taylor, 19, Alexis Neiers, 18, and Gabby Neiers, 16) who live with their former Playboy model mother who homeschools them and is a self proclaimed “energy healer” who sprays water around to get rid of the negative energy at their house. The show is supposed to follow them around while they try to “make it” in hollywood as models. How original.


I was about to turn it off when one scene the cops come and they have a search warrant. Turns out one of the brats is part of the burgular bunch that robbed celeb houses. Alexis is the allegedly one of the bunch that robbed the houses of Orlando Bloom, Lindsay Lohan, and Rachel Bilson. So what makes me laugh is that the show was not supposed to have this story line in it, but now that it does, it makes it more interesting otherwise it’s a total snoozefest.

While on the search for a king size bed...

http://madison.craigslist.org/fuo/1659054669.html


I thought Craigslist would have some nasty, cheap beds for sale. and sure enough. This andrew guy says- "no child stains" ewwww. What about adult, non-child stains? Do I even go there? Or should I get a black light and do a room raiders search like on MTV.

Spotted: MEL G bum hanging out @ work. Pic speaks for itself, just hope they are clean.

conversation with a German

"you write me about June! we make party!"

I think translates to... send me a facebook message regarding your wedding reception in June.

This girl makes me want to learn German... that accent is kick ass! way better than an American accent for sure!

lordy lordy... look whos four.. on Wednesday

She prefers cash to gift cards. and you can write a check out to her awesome ma.

Best part of the day

was stumbling upon this link. If you EVER feel that you drink too much... just look @ these pics. when you get to this point, lay off the poison

http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/lindsay_lohan_out_and_about#id=66037

I need to borrow 5 men

to come out to the bar with me tonight. preferably good looking...but after I've had a few you all look good-looking.

DWTS Review Week 1

Nicole Scherzinger and Derek Hough-


Princess P: I think she will win. I mean c’mon she is dancer/performer for a living. She was very good, but very predictable

Mgilbs: winner winner chicken dinner. She's already had a lot of dance experience, shes going to win the whole thing

Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Princess P: Damn, that chick has some long legs. Her ESPN college following will get her into the top 3 fo sure

Mgilbs: Maks is hot. Erin is hot. her legs are 10 feet long. im betting 3rd or 4th place

Pamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood

Princess P: She was really good, although her rats nest hair needing some tending to before going on camera

Mgilbs: HILARIOUS. pam is so entertaining. her hair should have a separate dance partner

Chad Ochocinco and Cheryl Burke

Princess P: Something about his name just makes him hot, and Cheryl is def. on the A list out of the group of dancers

Mgilbs: he has potential to go neck and neck with Schwartzenagger. aka scherzinger

Jake Pavelka and Chelsie Hightower

Princess P: Whatever he needs to be voted off, he is no g-damn celeb. Go pilot a plane off the stage

Mgilbs: snooze fest. Jake, enough with the roses. you used them in your dance routine? get over it.

Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya

Princess P: Evan who?

Mgilbs: Evan is good on ice, but dances like he has a baseball bat up his ass. loosen up doooood

Buzz Aldrin and Ashly Costa

Princess P: So adorable! But he is a total goner. Maybe he could do a Cialis commercial

Mgilbs: Oh Hi! Buzz is cute as a button. I hope he at least goes one more round

Kate Gosselin and Tony Dovolani

Princess P: ok, I have to disagree with M. I thought she looked great, yet danced really stiff, and was soooo nervous. I hope she has one more chance. I mean she had to put up with a tiny peeter for years. Yikes.

Mgilbs: Dunzo. Kate, you suck. your extensions suck more. Quit being bitter that you had tiny asian peen

Shannen Doherty and Mark Ballas

Princess P: Brenda Walsh. Enough said

Mgilbs: HIDEOUS dress. she needs to spray tan stat. and quit crying about your dad, he's not dead!

Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel

Princess P: I’m over her. Not funny, annoying

Mgilbs: her sense of humor doesn’t mask her rolls and horrible dancing skills. ouch

Aiden Turner and Edyta Sliwinska

Princess P: All my children. He should be pinning for Kendall and Greenlee not on the dancefloor!

Mgilbs: Aiden! pose for playgirl you hot thing. him and Edyta should quit dancing and make babies. oh yes

I call the Bullshit button on this "cop"

Expired Plates ------->

Cowboy Hat------->

So driving to work today, I pulled up to next to a "cop". Or so I thought. As I sat at the light next to him, I started to notice a few things. 1. Expired plates- what cop do you know drives around with expired plates? 2. A cowboy hat in the back window. I doubt Cowboy Ron drives around in a Old Crown Vic 3. Gangster lights on top of the car? Like what color are those anyway?  So moral of the story  is that if you get pulled over by this gangster Cowboy, don't fall for it.

this shits as ghetto as a Chingy music video

Saw this "shoe"store while stuck in traffic in downtown Chicago.. Better shoes 'fo less. (lss) I have no doubt in my mind this place has sweet ass kicks.. maybe some air force ones, that would be so off the chain yo.

I wonder what their hours are? is it open today? hmm maybe its passover or something.

Or maybe there's a secret password. New England Clam Chowder. Is that the red or the white?

If I knew then what I know now.

I will be the first to tell you that I didn't enjoy high school. Ok well I didnt hate it. But thats possibly the most scarring and scary time for any girl to go through. The only way I survived high school was because of my best friend Christy. I felt we could take on the world. And we did for that matter. Sometimes when life is starting to get stressful, I think back on high school and all of the things you THINK you know, vs what you dont know.

I thought life sucked ass at 17. I hated it. I hated my parents, because they gave me rules. I hated school, and all of the popular girls that came with it. I wasnt the popular girl. I didnt have a clique,nor was I on poms or a cheerleader. I was acquaintances with everyone, but no real friends except for Christy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish I was 17 again. You could screw up, and your parents would always bail you out. You did something stupid, and you could blame it on your age. Life was carefree and fun. But now...who's got your back? who do you fall back on? No one. You have yourself. And if you screw up, its your own ass on the line. I cant believe the headaches I gave my parents, and the gray hairs...and i was so rude to them. I would take that all back now if I could. But all i can really do now is be the best daughter ever, and be there for them. And as far as Christy goes, well I want to stay friends with her forever. Because her and her family really molded me into the person I am today.

I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with myself as a teenager. I think I would say these things...

You will never meet your future husband @ club Amazon
Nor will you attract the right man with playboy bunny shirts and tiny skirts.
Guys will say anything to get in your pants
DO YOUR HOMEWORK. strive to be the best you can be
Find that one teacher who you connect with. Who believes in you and will push you to do better.
(my high school spanish teacher Senorita Owen era la mejor profesora!)
dont ever talk back to your parents. Respect, respect, respect. Whether you like it or not, they know whats best for you. and yes, your mom knows everything. she knows when you lie, and when you try to sneak beer out of the house.
Wear sandals to college parties, no heels. In case you need to run from the cops.

cleaning out the camera...

Lingerie? hell yeah... video taken from Lisa and I's bridal shower.

Shadow Bar, Caesar's Palace Las Vegas

Ive never witnessed anything like the coked out Kilt man. Nor has nothing in my life made me laugh like the kilt man. I can only hope that the next time I go to v-town I find him somewhere... with his fan, shark moves, and kilt on.

- an oldy but a goody... 11/2009

how I want to spend my weekends

riding the chicago trains... into the ghetto..out of the ghetto... to downtown, then the suburbs. The people watching is great, and theres something comforting about a train ride. Or maybe its because when im on a train I feel like I'm in London.

are you comfortable being miserable?

I feel like there's no way to contact you anymore, so I will speak out on the one place you may see this.

I never in my life thought I would be saying that I am disappointed in you. I've grown up, living my whole life looking up to you. You've been my best friend, and always given me real advice, even when you knew it would hurt. So why have you changed? Why do I feel like giving up on you? I know you're going through a hard time...and in times of need I know my family will always be there for me. So why do I feel like you're shutting me out? Shutting us all out? Do you know how bad that makes us feel? Do you know that mom cries because shes so worried and pissed at you? You dont see the effect you're having on us, because you constantly blow us off.

But the reason you blow us off is digusting. For her. You do it all to try and please someone who simply cannot be pleased. Any other time in your life, you wouldn't stand to be treated the way you are now. Your home is a jail cell. You get punished for talking to me. But why pick the nazi over your family? Where are you going to go if you ever get fed up? Are you going to then be our friend again?

Your family will always be here for you. we're your blood, we're your support system. Dont push away the positive light in your life. Quit being miserable. Everyone but you sees it. You deserve better. you NEED better. Quit walking on eggshells, waiting for the next bomb to explode. it will get worse before it gets better.

I love you. so quit pushing me away.

interview with a Brit

weirdest slang that americans say:
Aluminum! I know its not slang but that's weird! And in sure there are others!
What do you love most about Wisconsin?
Fun places to go out, and the people are friendly
What would you change about Wisconsin?
I would change some of the roads and transportation. Need more trains around the country!
What do you order from Taco Bell?
chicken quasidilla with soft taco
What do you shake your head at Americans for?
All about ur local team! Not just one u pick. Like green bay fans not new york. Also some strange foods! and its all about thanks giving!
Whos the Vice President of the United States?
Have no idea! But Hilary clinton is a senator!
Do you need a passport to go to Vegas?
You do not need a passport. But I do!
Who is Kirsten Bell?
I'm not sure! Sounds like either and actress or a sports person
Ever ordered from an infomercial?
No! But think I will at some point! Lol
Ever thrown up in public?
Yes. In a bar!
What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I'm f**king good at wot I do!
In the movie gremlins, what can they NOT come in contact with?
Water - sunlight! And now food after midnight!
What is the capital of Missouri?
No idea!
Did you watch Carmen Sandiego?
No!

CHECK IT OUT

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?page_id=9798

self mutilation

no I dont shoot heroin. nor do I have an inner elbow std. I woke up this morning after the calm weekend I had with awful rashes on both arms... which means I was so wasted and stressed that I scratched myself .. really hard... to relieve the anxiety. hello nutter!

didnt your mother teach you not to accept food from strangers?

I received a gift of food delivered especially to me the other day at an undisclosed location. but there's a kicker about this gift. it came from a pedal-file aka pedophile.

is that mayo i see on top of the ole's? or.... some other unknown goo substance. yuck.

papa- paparazzi

spotted: M, on deathbed. beer belly in hand after a wild night in Vegas-Dells. or is it Wisvegas? hmmm.

Holla if you had any of these.

http://www.liketotally80s.com/80s-toys.html

Cabbage Patch Dolls . Care Bears . Fluppy Dogs . Hot Looks Dolls


Glo Worm and Friends . Masters of the Universe Micro Machines . My Child Dolls

My Little Pony . Pogo Balls . Popples . Pound Puppies & Purries . Rainbow Brite

Roller Racers . She-Ra . Smooshies . Star Wars Toys . Strawberry Shortcake

Teddy Ruxpin . Wuzzles

Joran Vanderslut just needs to give it up already and tell what really happened.

ORANJESTAD, Aruba – Authorities will search once again for a missing U.S. teen after an American couple took an underwater picture of what they believe might be Natalee Holloway's remains, a spokeswoman for the prosecutors' office told The Associated Press on Saturday.

A police diving team will soon do preliminary work at the spot where officials believe the picture was taken, spokeswoman Ann Angela said. It is too early to say whether the tip is more viable than the other numerous ones authorities have received, Angela said. "It could be a skull, it could be a stone, it could be anything," she said. "That's what we're trying to figure out."he couple cannot pinpoint the exact location, but a local resident believes he can find the spot, Angela said.

We are a very small island with lots of people diving or snorkeling, so it's not unusual for one of us to see an underwater picture and recognize the location."

Angela said she could not reveal where or when the dive would take place so as not to attract onlookers.

On Thursday, a newspaper in Pennsylvania reported that a photo taken last fall by the visiting couple, John and Patti Muldowney, of Manheim, Pa., had been turned over to the FBI. No one answered calls Saturday to a telephone number listed for the couple.

The search is one of many that authorities have launched to find Holloway's body since the Mountain Brook, Alabama, teen disappeared while on vacation in Aruba in 2005. The 18-year-old was last seen leaving a bar with Joran van der Sloot on the final night of a high school graduation trip.Van der Sloot has been detained several times as police continue to investigate the case. A Dutch TV station recently aired a paid interview in which van der Sloot claims Holloway accidentally fell from a balcony and that he disposed of her body in a swamp.

He had previously told an undercover reporter that she died unexpectedly while they were kissing and he dumped her body in the ocean.mAruban prosecutors say they lack evidence to charge van der Sloot.

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/03/21/authorities-resume-search-natalee-holloway/

Dear Jesse James.

WTF were you thinking??? Oh right you were not! So have fun with this ho snatch.

why would he trade this

for that?

reflecting on my booze filled weekend of debauchery and don't forget-stupidity

Let me recap my day. Sunday, March 21st.

930am. Rise and shine, put on my badger red and found my phat farm shoes from sophomore year. I'm an OG. paired them with skinny jeans, im fuckin rocking it. Mustve gotten the inspiration from my night in Chicago, which I will soon blog about.

1045am. Eagle time. Bloody Mary, extra spicy, 3 baby corns instead of 2. Im feeling feisty today. Mountain dew on tap, miller lite chaser. Sue tries to talk me into the special of the day. $12.00 all you can drink UV pints. Yuck , I tell her no, I dont want to get bombed. I laugh now while typing that statement.

1200pm. bloody gone, pitchers of miller lite for $5 because we are bff with the bartenders so they were charging us for bloodys. SCORE. Badger game @ 150pm ...waiting for the Werwinski's to arrive. We have waters in front of their seats to save them... were beating old men away with clubs so they dont take the seats.

2pm. JV crew in full force. im feeling buzzed, and I decide to eat so I dont get bombed. ha.

4pm. Depressed because the badgers lost. now Im really sad/depressed/drunk.. so I start a fight with my husband via BBM. yes, i'm a bitch, and have since apologized for what is to come next.

430pm. I have now screamed at Dan, demanding a new Radley purse...for no reason in particular. Im not sure why I throw fits and pick fights with him? Maybe because he NEVER gets mad and sometimes pushing his buttons and negative attention is better than no attention at all.

500pm. I take off my rings, chug my 10th beer, and delete him from my BBM. now thats uncalled for. i tell him to get bent and leave me alone, and that If I want a purse ill hit on old men. He said fine whatever, but didnt get angry, STILL. now im drunk and acting so so mean.

(after this the timeline is screwy... so it all blurs together)

Time for a roadtrip to the Dells. Ho Chunk, then chubbys. And of course drinking the whole way there is required, and 1,2,3 im not driving. Paul is. Somehow Sara and I ended up winning @ roulette, we got a hotel room, and ended up at the strip club.

I got my first lap dance, and talked shoes and skirts with Jersey.. the snooki looking stripper who smelled like cinnamon and could actually hold a conversation. She let me come on stage with her and twirl on the pole. Every girl's dream. The first time wasn't sexy at all. I was drunk and didnt realize that the actual pole pivots and moves REALLY fast. So the second time she let me get a boost off her knee so i started way high up the pole and twirled all the way down.

It was awesome, I'm going to get a pole in my house with my husband who i've deleted off bbm and now have lost my wedding rings.

the princess passed out at the club. Security said he wouldn't kick her out because "she's got boobies. we'll let her sleep" direct quote. what a gentleman.

Now it gets really hairy. I guess we went back to the casino...dont know how we got there, and gambled some more. I love to think I can have a crazy night like im in Vegas, but only its Wisco.

woke up the next morning, not feeling like P. Diddy. Mouth tasted like I just brushed my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

I couldnt move faster than a snails pace,and Cath and I were taking turns puking. I had an ice cream cone for breakfast, and talked sara and pauls ass off the whole way home about nonsense, like Calico bunny rabbits and +1's. I got home, and I cried and cried and cried. Because I realized how disrespectful I was to the one person whos got my back and loves me more than anything.

We talk, and I cry more. I find out his work schedule is shit, and I wont see him until June. Then I really start to cry. Even though I apologized, I still feel horrible. But no matter what I did, he always forgives me. says its ok in his sweet accent and tells me he loves me.

I pass out with a snotty nose and mascara all over my face...wake up hours later to the fire alarm. Insert previous blog here.

what would you take with you if there was a fire?

All I have to say is thank god I caved and purchased renter's insurance.. for $15.25 a month mind you. The geico gecko saves me tons of green. Anyway, I live in an old apartment made completely of wood. Old wood. And god knows how many people in this place fall asleep with cigs in their hand and/or joints. Many times I have passed out on the couch with candles burning.

Today I was feeling very under the weather (I was on a 24 hour drinking bender). Took a nap on the couch because I couldn't move from it, even to grab an aspirin. I was awoken at 430pm to an EXTREMELY LOUD fire alarm. like piercing noise, fucking loud. And of course, I'm the lucky one with the fire alarm directly outside my unit. The noise wouldn't stop! So I flew off the couch so fast that I lost my balance and fell... whew too much blood rushing to the head. Still had on my badger apparel from yesterday complete with booze/puke stains.

Grabbed the first pair of shoes I could find which were stilettos. awesome...running from a fire in 5 inch heels. My mind was racing... what do I take with me? What if I lose everything. There are things money can't replace. So I grabbed my phone, car keys, and my huge bag full of all my visa application stuff.. marriage certificate, social security card, dans mugshots etc. At that time, its the only thing that was sooo important to me that I couldnt bear to have it burned.

Ok, so its been like a minute and im shaking and sweating and I grab my bag of stuff and run down the hallway (in heels... side ponytail because id been sleeping on it. just hideous) I dont see any smoke or anyone in the hallway... but I keep running for my life because its a fire alarm, right? I start running down the stairs and I realize i'm still drunk from yesterday and I start to gag. Because I havent done this much movement all day, ive been too hungover. So now im puking in my mouth a bit, running from a phantom fire, in my stilettos.

I stand outside, catch my breathe, and spit out the bile in my mouth. This is fucking awesome. Could my day get any worse? So get this. theres no fire. nothing, none .

At this time I remember my neighbor's boyfriend who makes my lunch every saturday at the eagle saying that the broiler (or boiler?) in the basement over heats allllll the time and sets off the alarm. I sigh , and go sit in my car and take a nap. 30 minutes later im drenched in sweat, nauseous, and freaked out that i just dodged a fire in my apartment.

So, I ask you...what would you take if your place of residence was about to go up in flames?

Im his June Carter.

eating hand me down cheetos... from me to werwinski to then scotts mailbox.

I fell into a burning ring of fireeeeee. I went down down down and the flames went higher.

Kinda makes you proud ... On Wisconsin

Red dots indicate where taverns outnumber grocery stores:

you know you're a nerd when

you're so tired and sick...

You actually make the effort to put your contacts in. Then you're standing in line for coffee and you poke your own eye out because you're pushing up your invisible glasses with your hand.

jerk alert! I am the biggest tool alive. I was pushing up invisible glasses the whole time i was in line.. people were laughing, i was in pain... and my contact about popped out.

just another day in paradise

what happened here?

spotted: 1st floor bathroom of the hospital

clogged toilet? murder? someone ate one of those nasty hot dogs that sit on the roller grill for days? there are so many scenarios ... Let me know what you think.

just another day in paradise

7 loads later, im done with vacation laundry!!! holy shit!!!!!

Fat Porn. all I can say is WTF. Ewwwww

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spider swallowing update...

Well ... the spider was spotted running around my room AGAIN last night. So i guess I didnt swallow it wednesday night. But i DID swallow it last night. because theres no way I can go 2 nights in a row , sleeping with my mouth open, and not eat the damn thing. to be continued.

ps- i guess i didnt swallow black widow.. but close enough!

lesson of the day

If you want something done, you need to ask. people will NOT mind read. And some individuals are too big of dickheads to understand non-verbal cues. for example...

"Go to your room" vs ... (I dont know how to replace this one)

"buy me a plane ticket" vs. "i dont think im going to make it. ill be there via webcam"

"will you call Dr. Ewer for me?" vs "i cant dial out for some reason.. this pt needs an appt"

my pants dont fit

am i still full from my vacation? or maybe one too many blue lagoons from vacation? Anyway, i need to lay off the happy cola. but I cant.

Maybe im full from eating the spider last night! yes, thats it.

there was an old lady who swallowed a fly...

I dont know why she swallowed that fly....


If you were cool enough, you learned this song in preschool. Well speaking of swallowing bugs, I swallowed an arachnid last night.
I have a bad cold, and ive been sleeping everynight with my mouth wide open...last night right before dozing off to bed, a huge black spider crawled across my pillow, and then disappeared in my sheets. ewwwwwww.

it was gone in the morning, and i was left with a bad taste in my mouth. the only solution is that I swallowed my first spider last night

Spotted: Walk of Shame on University

You know how I know that it was a walk of shame? B/c everyone that I saw still had green on from the night before. So next time if you don’t want to be called out, don’t dress so obvious ya dumb ass.

3 words.

Locks for Love.

I'm not hating, i have long hair too... But its down to her belly button!! what if something bad happens? like shes at great america or something and her weave gets stuck in the ferris wheel and then she gets scalped right on the spot.. with her biggest hannah montana fans watching in horror....

where am i going with this?

next phase, done

I was up last night "slaving" over the next round of visa paperwork... and it's finished. I can't wait to mail it out today, I think I might skip over to the post office. Yes, skip. I'm done living alone. I need my +1.

Our microwave @ work is broken

Do you realize this is the biggest debacle of the 2000's? No one knows what to do. I guess we are going to have to stop buying sodium filled meals and replace them with meals made in the WOK. But wait that won't work either bc you need to heat it up. FML

Ok, now im sad.

I had no sympathy for David Beckham and him ripping his entire achilles heel in 2 pieces...until I saw this picture today. Holding posh's hand... he looks sooo sad, and hopeless. get better becks!!!

Movie Review: UP

I watched the movie UP. I have to say it's one of the better Disney Movies I have seen in a longtime (they kinda have been slacking). It is up there in the Pixar category with Toy Story you know the classic. It was a really sweet, funny, imaginative movie for adults and kids. Kinda refreshing to watch a movie like that. So my take is thumbs up. See it!

M is going to name her next kid or dog Chap.

The end

the bday party I wish I got an invitation to...

Eva Longoria aka gabby solis turned 35 the other day... spent it with Kim K and some other socialites. had drinks by the pool and probably spent thousands at the mall. Must be nice...

What is a Wofford??

So for the second time in the 2009-2010 athletic season, the Badgers will play Wofford College. Never heard of it? Neither did I until this year. First Football and now we are playing them in men's basketball  in the first round. So to answer your question, Wofford College is in Spartanburg, South Carolina and they are the Wofford Terriers. Who knew?

So what your saying is that I'm a mutant??

Having blue eyes is actually a mutation. Before the mutation occurred, all humans had brown eyes.

Biology nerds know that these mutations often occur in the womb. In this case, the OCA2 gene, which is also involved in the production of melanin, is disrupted to make the eyes blue rather than brown.