All I have to say is thank god I caved and purchased renter's insurance.. for $15.25 a month mind you. The geico gecko saves me tons of green. Anyway, I live in an old apartment made completely of wood. Old wood. And god knows how many people in this place fall asleep with cigs in their hand and/or joints. Many times I have passed out on the couch with candles burning.
Today I was feeling very under the weather (I was on a 24 hour drinking bender). Took a nap on the couch because I couldn't move from it, even to grab an aspirin. I was awoken at 430pm to an EXTREMELY LOUD fire alarm. like piercing noise, fucking loud. And of course, I'm the lucky one with the fire alarm directly outside my unit. The noise wouldn't stop! So I flew off the couch so fast that I lost my balance and fell... whew too much blood rushing to the head. Still had on my badger apparel from yesterday complete with booze/puke stains.
Grabbed the first pair of shoes I could find which were stilettos. awesome...running from a fire in 5 inch heels. My mind was racing... what do I take with me? What if I lose everything. There are things money can't replace. So I grabbed my phone, car keys, and my huge bag full of all my visa application stuff.. marriage certificate, social security card, dans mugshots etc. At that time, its the only thing that was sooo important to me that I couldnt bear to have it burned.
Ok, so its been like a minute and im shaking and sweating and I grab my bag of stuff and run down the hallway (in heels... side ponytail because id been sleeping on it. just hideous) I dont see any smoke or anyone in the hallway... but I keep running for my life because its a fire alarm, right? I start running down the stairs and I realize i'm still drunk from yesterday and I start to gag. Because I havent done this much movement all day, ive been too hungover. So now im puking in my mouth a bit, running from a phantom fire, in my stilettos.
I stand outside, catch my breathe, and spit out the bile in my mouth. This is fucking awesome. Could my day get any worse? So get this. theres no fire. nothing, none .
At this time I remember my neighbor's boyfriend who makes my lunch every saturday at the eagle saying that the broiler (or boiler?) in the basement over heats allllll the time and sets off the alarm. I sigh , and go sit in my car and take a nap. 30 minutes later im drenched in sweat, nauseous, and freaked out that i just dodged a fire in my apartment.
So, I ask you...what would you take if your place of residence was about to go up in flames?
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