this is what I deal with on a daily basis.

1) "Um yeah hi... Im a kidney transplant patient of yours. but this is not a transplant related question (first red flag). What day is that Madison wide garage sale? Where people put stuff on their lawns and you can take it?(second red flag/cheapskate.)"
me:"you mean college move in day? where the students dump their garbage on the side of the road and its a free for all? Sometime in august. "
"k thanks, bye."

2) "So the football in my stomach is gone. but now I have a baby inside me. Those assholes put a BABY in my STOMACH! and now its kicking!"
Dru-" You dont have the female hormones capable of having a baby, youre a male."
"I do too have the hormones, I have a baby! Those ASSHOLES!"