we have a new anonymous writer

To want, yet not able to have


Ahhh, one of life's great dilemmas. To want something, but damnit, you just can't have it.

Sure, we've all been there. "I want a new car...BUT, I can't afford one." "I want some new clothes, BUT I have bills to pay." Even as children, well those of us who weren't just given everything we wanted, we faced the same lesson on life. We wanted all kinds of shit, but mom and dad would say something like, "Sure, I'll get that for you, if you do X" We had to EARN the stuff we wanted.

But what happens when the things you want can't be bought or "earned" by cutting the grass for the next month? How do you get these things? What do you do when it seems like you will NEVER get these things?

I know, personally, this drives me friggin crazy. Lately, it's consumed my thinking. You're probably thinking, "Dude, get a grip. Move on." Well, when your "thing" is a PERSON, it's not that easy. Nowwww, I hope some of us are on the same page.

So, in my case, it has been 2 WANTS as of late. One is head and shoulders just cooler than so many other people I've met. Sincere, instant fun, and just makes me smile...doesn't hurt that they're gorgeous too :-) Our friendship has really grown and now we flirt (low key kind of stuff) I want. But...I can't have. Why? Well, a big part of it is that I don't want to ruin the awesome friendship by "making a move" and thus making things weird if the anticipated denial comes. But, what if? What if there's some of the same thoughts in their head? It's driving me nuts...

The other? Smart, genuinely a nice person, and easily one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. No lie. Initially, started with low-key "getting to know you" chat sessions, but kind of popped off to hard-core "do you want this?" business recently. I want. But...I can't have. Why? It is believed they are in a relationship currently, and no one wants to be THAT person who gets a reputation like that. But no one can ignore messages that have been sent like they have recently...no one. I don't care how strong someone is, or claims to be. But is it just a, "Let's do this, NOW" kinda gig, or is it one that could potentially go somewhere? Only one way to find out, right?

I think...I'm going to see what #2 has to offer. We'll just need to have a little chat before anything gets going...if it does.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Wish me luck.

~Anonymous